Clancy’s Abbey with lanky Peter

When Peter Crouch was asked what he would be if he wasn’t a footballer he replied: "A virgin."

I reckon he would have made a very useful painter and decorator tackling those high ceilings.

You can’t help but admire the beanpole Liverpool striker’s honesty and humour — he’s a decent mid-season contender for the Bizarre Lord of 2008.

The lanky footie ace was snapped on his Caribbean hols in St Bart’s with girlfriend Abbey Clancy.

Peter reckons he pulled stunning Abbey because he is a famous footballer. But she looked so loved up —even rubbing his manky feet with suncream.

Mind you, he is about to leave Liverpool for a big pay rise. And foot massage — more wedge to spend, eh Abbey?

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Lewis laughed after dad’s accident

Lewis Hamilton last night admitted he laughed after his dad crashed a £330,000 Porsche. Anthony Hamilton ended in a children’s play area after skidding into a hedge, having lost control of the borrowed Carrera GT just 200 metres from his home in Tewin, Hertfordshire.

Formula One ace Lewis heard the news after arriving in Montreal ahead of Sunday’s Canadian GP. Hamilton Junior, 23, said: "I got Dad’s email yesterday and I just laughed. He is not one to make mistakes. He is a very good driver but I don’t know what he was up to. I have never raced him on the track. We raced go-karts together years ago but he was terrible."